Tony is well and truly excited. And why? Because since he opened an account with a social networking site, he now has sixteen new friends.
Now, every morning before we go to the pub, he logs into his account, to see what his new friends have got to say for themselves. I must admit that I've never seen the boy so happy, and as he rightly says, the internet, apart from the double cheeseburger, has got to be one of the greatest inventions of the last century.
Personally, I can't see what pleasure he gets from communicating with complete and utter strangers in Australia, China, Canada and Germany, especially as he hates most people who aren't British, and finds trivial conversation a waste of time.
Still, as he says, Sally from Dallas sounds like a real bundle of fun, and if all goes well, he reckons that by the end of the year he'll be flying over to America, to see what Sally is really like.
I didn't mean to upset him, but as I said, Sally is probably just being friendly, and doesn't really give two fucks about a fat, foul-mouthed, unemployed, lager-guzzling bastard like him.
He says that jealousy is a terrible thing, and if he's got sixteen friends, that's fifteen more than I've got.
We're now off to the pub to discuss the matter further, and more importantly work out how a man like Tony, whose fortune amounts to thirty-five pounds and fifty pence, is actually going to pay for an airline ticket, to get him to Dallas (and back)!