The boy Tony and me have just come back from the pub, where we found ourselves in the company of two Italian, female tourists, who said they had come to London to get a taste of what life is really like in England.
Well, of course, Tony wasted no time in trying to get the two girls to come back to our flat, by promising them a lunch of pizza, pasta and ice cream, followed by an afternoon of wild sex, strong lager and cheeseburgers for supper.
Unfortunately, despite our efforts to woo two of Italay's finest exports, the girls were having none of it. Tony was not surprisingly hurt by this latest in a long line of refusals, claiming that either the girls were just too stupid to see what they had turned down, or that they were in fact a pair of lesbians, who preferred to, as he put it, "do things with one another, instead of doing things with us."
Anyway, as Sid, the landlord of our favourite pub said, it's no good thinking about what might have been, as God works in mysterious ways, and everything that happens in life, happens for a reason.
I reckon Sid is right, because when the girls finally left the pub, we were joined at the bar by three Australian girls, who said that they were on a hiking tour of England.
Tony wasted no time in telling the trio that Kylie Minogue is his favourite singer, and that when he was young, he was East London's junior boomerang throwing champion. Well, the girls just loved the attention they were getting, and what's more, they've agreed to come to the flat tonight, to enjoy an evening meal with Tony and me, followed by - we hope - a hike around our bedrooms.
Now, as we all know, mathematically, two into three isn't a perfect fit, but when it comes to wild sex, it's a number that opens up so many opportunities, so Tony and I can't wait to see just what our dinner guests have in mind, after our pizza, pasta and ice cream.