Monday, 25 July 2011

Feeding The Ducks

Tony's just come back from the park, where he spent the morning feeding ducks, and trying to get his head clear, after what he calls one of the worst weekends he can remember for a long time.
Of course, the reason behind his current bout of depression has nothing to do with the death of Amy Winehouse (we'll miss her, won't we?) or the slaying of almost a hundred innocent Norwegians, by a lone, crazed gunman (we'll miss them, won't we?), but more to do with the fact that the great charmer's attempts to get into another poor, unsuspecting girl's underwear, failed miserably.
Now, normally, Tony bounces (because he's fucking fat) back from such humiliation, but as the boy rightly said, it's a very sad day indeed when Tony Joy is put in his place by a member of the female race.
Well, what did he expect? I mean, there he was, in the pub Saturday morning, trying to break his own speed-drinking record, when his eye caught sight of a very pretty thing called Marjorie, who apparently came from Belgium.
Tony was quick to tell Marjorie that Belgium is just possibly his most favourite country on the planet, and wanted to know what such a lovely, young thing was doing all alone in a nasty, stinking city like London.
Marjorie replied straight away that she thought Tony was one of the ugliest men she had ever had the msifortune to meet, and the chances of him fucking her were absolutely zero, because of (a) he stank of stale lager and cigarettes, and (b) it turned out that she was a lesbian.
Well, I reckon the boy was right when he said that if a woman fails to be turned on by the odour of stale lager, and she also happens to be a lesbian, she's not the sort of woman that he wants to be wasting his time with. He then added that Belgium is a pointless pile of shit just north of France, and if it disappeared tomorrow under a tsunami, not many people would really give two fucks.
Marjorie got the point, and soon fucked off, leaving Tony to continue drinking heavily, whilst insulting total strangers in the pub, and passers-by in the street.
At least the ducks were happy with the bread he fed them, and as he says, animals always provide great comfort in such moments.

No comments:

Post a Comment