So, there we were in the pub last night, celebrating amongst other things that we have managed to see it through another summer unscathed, when our evening drinking session was interrupted by the arrival of a family of tourists, hopelessly lost, and in need of some guidance.
Naturally, Tony stepped in to help the family, especially when he saw that the daughter looked like a real stunner, and seemed to be bored with having to follow her parents and younger brother around, when he reckoned she was looking "to be wined, dined and inseminated."
The boy wasted no time in taking the girl to one side, and even though her grasp of English was poor, she soon started giggling at his vulgar jokes and impressions of Adolf Hitler.
Sid, the landlord of our favourite drinking establishment, reckoned that the family was from Switzerland, which, as if we didn't already know, he said was a small country in the middle of Europe.
Still, after a few hand signals and attempts to communicate verbally with the family, we soon put them on the right track, and watched as they headed off into the night, the father grateful for our help, and thanking his lucky stars that his daughter was still wearing her panties, even though Tony was well on the way to seducing her into his bed.
Tony didn't seem too downhearted that another chance to have wild sex had passed him by, saying that he had been too busy enjoying his lager, and that the girl was just a pleasant distratction.
Naturally, the two of them exchanged e-mail addresses, with Tony reckoning that a trip to the Swiss Alps is just what he needs, to help get his flabby body in shape, for what he calls "a winter of reckoning."
Personally, I reckon it's just another one of his wild fantasies, and that he's got about as much chance as spending the next few weeks in Switzerland, as he has in giving up porn, and taking up bible reading.
Still, all the while the boy's happy, I will let him get on dreaming of skiing down the mountains, with whatever she was called following close behind.