Saturday, 17 December 2011

Kicking Old Habits


It's at this time of year that Tony likes to sit down with a notepad, and make a list of all the changes he's going to make in his life, so, as he says, he can become even a better man than he already is.
I agreed with him when he said that change is necessary, but I also know that there's no chance that my fat friend is going to alter his ways.
For a start, Tony's use of foul language is never going to change, because even the boy admits that he suffers from a rare medical disorder, that means he swears for no apparent reason. Of course, he doesn't really suffer from any such condition, and agrees that his foul-mouthed outbursts are caused by excessive drinking, and being provoked by foreign people, just like in the pub the other night, when a couple of French tourists decided to annoy us with their disgusting body odour and loud talking.
Last year he vowed to reduce the amount of porn he watches, but here we are, twelve months later, and he's still spending half of his life sat in front of the television, watching anything that contains naked women.
He also promised to become less aggressive, eat fewer cheeseburgers, smoke less, exercise, and get a job.
But as we all know, he's still stuck in his ways, and still unemployed.
I think the boy now knows that lists are a waste of time, and he reckons that because he's as near to being as perfect as a man could be, it's time to put away his notepad, put on his shoes, and go to the pub.
I can only congratulate him on his idea, and so we're now off to our favourite pub, at the end of the road, to have a few pints, and see if there's anybody who we can upset, just for the fun of it!

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