So, The Man With The Golden Arm, as Tony likes to call himself, failed miserably in his recent attempt to win a local darts tournament, finishing only fifth, and walking away with a pathetic fifty pounds in prize money.
Of course, even such a small amount of cash came in very handy, with most of it being blown on lager and cigarettes, which Tony said was to help him to get over his very poor performance.
I've tried to cheer the boy up, but if losing at darts wasn't bad enough, Tony reckons that nothing can be as depressing in life as spending a few hours seeing what people have got to say for themselves on Facebook.
At first, Tony was delighted that he was making new friends all over the world, but recently he's become irritated by the amout of dross pouring into his inbox, and fucking up his profile.
For instance, Becky, 22, from Chicago told Tony that she can't sleep at night, because her boyfriend has just left her. She's now in such an emotional mess that she wonders if suicide is the only solution to her problem.
Tony replied to Becky that he doesn't give a fuck about her problems, and that he didn't join Facebook to make friends with people like her.
Then there's Debbie, 48, from the north of England, who although once used to rate highly in Tony's list of people he'd like to know better, has now done herself no good by sending all of her friends - Tony included - a recipe for strawberry and banana cheesecake.
Needless to say, the boy soon got back to Debbie, and told her that a recipe for turning water into lager would have been more appreciated, and can she now go away and die.
And if the personal messages aren't enough to completely demoralise my fat friend, the constant stream of adverts for pizza restaurants, romantic weekends away, and cheap air travel will eventually tip him over the edge.
So, we're now off to the pub to get away from Tony's friends, and hope that after a few hours of drinking strong lager, he'll be back to his normal self, and that the Queen of Cheesecake will be a thing of the past.