Tony and me had pizza for dinner last night - I had a 4 cheese special, and he had his usual chicken, mango & pineapple gut-buster. The fine food was washed down with the strongest of lager we could get our grubby hands on, followed by several delicious cigarettes. We then went to the pub, enjoyed more drinks, and watched a football match on the big-screen television.
By the end of the evening Tony was very drunk - slurring his words and singing patriotic songs - and wanting to try his luck with the woman upstairs.
Now, when Tony wants to try his luck with Rosa (she's Portuguese), it's a clear sign that there's more alcohol in his blood than can be good for him.
Not that Rosa is that bad. I mean, she's a little too hairy for my liking - with her moustache - and she's probably older than the sort of girls that Tony prefers to lure into his bed, but apart from that she can speak two languages (very handy), enjoys a drink (that's always a good thing), and is a good cook (life just got better).
Fortunately, the boy fell asleep before attempting to woo Rosa with his hidden charms, and I was able to let out a huge sigh of relief knowing that another disaster had been avoided, and that the human hairball from Portugal isn't going to be a regular feature of our lives!