Tony has abandoned me this weekend, to visit a girl he met on Facebook, who lives in the north of England.
Before catching the early train yesterday morning, my fat friend showed me a photo of Helen, who hails from Yorkshire, and who is studying psychology.
I wasn't that impressed by Helen's looks, but if Tony is happy to be seen with such an ugly creature, then I'm more than happy for him.
God only knows what Helen will make of the fattest man in London, because when it comes to charming the women, Tony is in a class of his own.
But Tony hasn't gone north for nothing, and although he would like to indulge in some wild sex this weekend, the fact that Helen's father owns a pub may well be the reason for my friend's departure.
Anyway, because I'm all alone, and there's only rubbish on the television, I'm off to the pub for a pre-lunch drink, and to prepare myself for another week of glorious idleness.