So, with England's exit from the European football championship, the boy Tony and me find ourselves once again with nothing much in life to excite us.
It's at times like this that the power of football becomes apparent, and makes us wonder if there's anything more important in life than our national sport.
Porn, cheeseburgers, pizzas, alcohol, war movies and gambling have always given Tony so much pleasure -but nothing can beat watching grown men kick a ball around a pitch.
My fat friend blubbered last night - like a small child - when we were eliminated buy the Italians, and I was left wondering if he would ever get over such a traumatic experience.
Mercifully, however, the vast amount of beer we had bought, to drink during the match, helped ease Tony's pain and suffering, and although defeat was difficult to accept, the power of alcohol helped Tony pull through his painful experience, and gave him the will to carry on with his miserable life, the morning after.
I don't know why Tony's puts his mind and body through so much stress, and doesn't start following another sport, such as croquet or badminton.
Anyway, we're now off to the pub to analyse why England failed, and see if there's any decent women on offer, to share an evening of wild sex and a four seasons pizza with us.