Tuesday, 27 November 2012

We Always Have Time For Our Friends

If it appears that Mr. Joy and myself spend most of our time either in our favourite pub, or eating unhealthy food in dirty cafés, this is certainly not the case.
Some of our time - although not a great deal - is allocated to visiting friends in need of support and help, because as Tony rightly says, without friends the world would be a terrible place.
Regular readers of this blog may already know some of our buddies, and probably ask themselves why we associate with miscreants and no-hopers, such as Kevin - the potato peeler from hell - and Andy, a man who is terribly dull, but also very rich, and therefore a fine friend to have when one is down and out, and wondering where the next drink is going to come from.
We recently visited another of our friends in prison, where Jim finds himself incarcerated after carrying out another arson attack.
Jim is no stranger to life behind bars, and although the thought of visiting him hardly had me frothing at the mouth with excitement, Tony reckons that visiting people in prison makes one realise the importance of freedom.
Needless to say, Jim was hardly the life and soul of the party, as he sat there in his prison clothes, banging on about the terrible food which he's forced to eat.
Mercifully, the visit was short, and on bidding our friend a cheerful farewell, I was only too glad to get to the nearest pub, to flush the taste of prison from my mouth.
Tony said that I'm a heartless bastard, but agreed that Jim's his own worst enemy, and that if you play with fire, you will eventually get burnt - and in Jim's case, you will also burn down a supermarket.

Read about more of our attempts to help bring a smile to Jim's face, in "The Londoners 2" - an Ebook for Kindle, available via Amazon.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Dirty Plates & Grease On His Chin

The cardboard sign in the window promises "GREAT FOOD & CHEEP TOO."
Mr. Joy chuckles to himself, for even he knows that CHEEP should be CHEAP.
But we have not come to criticise our host's ability to spell, because filling our stomachs with fine English food is more important than educating a man, and after another evening spent getting drunk and making fools of ourselves, greasy food is the only way to get our bodies back on track.
The Polish girl behind the counter smiles at us. The Turkish man in the kitchen gives us a cheerful wave. Tony opts for the table by the window, because he likes to watch the world go rolling by, as he stuffs his face with bacon, fried eggs, mushrooms, fried bread, tomatoes and baked beans. And then, after his meal, he will light a cigarette, because here, in this café, smoking is both permitted and encouraged.
Yes! The food is GREAT, and it's also CHEAP, and if you don't mind dirty plates, stained tables, a server who can't understand a word of English and the sight of Mr. Joy wiping grease from his chin with the back of his hand,  a fine breakfast in such an establishment is one of life's pleasures.
But now, because the world has gone slightly mad, what should be a generation of café addicts, like Tony and myself, tend to target more refined establishments offering hygiene, chrome tables, French pastries and thirty-seven types of coffee.
Coffee and a croissant may be a delightful way to start the day in Paris, but here, in south-east London, greasy food and cold tea wins every time for two useless layabouts like Anthony Joy and David Cooper.
David Cooper getting very emotional about dining in style. He and Anthony Joy eat in such an establishment, at the beginning of an awful day, in "The Londoners 2" - now available for Kindle, via Amazon.
Future postings, coming soon:
Jim - A Convicted Arsonist Having A Terrible Time In Prison
When I Was Younger...

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Another Sunday In The Lives Of Cooper & Joy

The stench of stale lager. The stench of terrible food. The stench of defeat, after losing at darts to some very excited French students. The stench of the toilets. The stench of the street.
Ahhh...disgusting it may be, but to Tony and me this is life.
And after our lunchtime in the pub, tonight we will dine on the finest frozen pizzas our money can buy.
YES! Frozen pizzas, cans of lager, cigarettes and perhaps another trip to the pub.
Those dear French boys and girls wiped the floor with Tony at me.
Still - and for once in his life - the fattest man in Catford showed that he can be a good loser, and took defeat on the chin. After all, and as Tony rightly says, we may have lost at darts, but was it not the Duke Of Wellington who made an entire nation proud, as he punished Napoleon, and gave Abba the inspiration they needed to record their first number one hit.
That's Tony all over - in the hour of defeat, he can still find something to smile about.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

After Love Comes Hate...

...for it is hatred, and only hatred, which can focus a man's mind, and help him achieve all of his ambitions.
This is what Tony Joy believes, and this is what Dave Cooper must also believe, if he is to move on in life.
But whilst Tony may be naturally unpleasant, Dave is at heart a loving man, who really wants nothing more in life than a woman to love, and to break free from his miserable existence in south-east London.

Forget about love, David, and join Tony in the real world - because if you don't, you're on your own.

"The Londoners 2 - After Love Comes Hate" is now available for Kindle, via Amazon.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Real Love

She was already controlling me, and it was scary. Nobody or nothing had ever controlled me before. There had been other women, but only for quick excursions into their loose c*nts. The dirty slags who come into the pub every Saturday night, looking for free drinks in exchange for a few seconds of intercourse in an unmade bed or the back of a car. The slags who outnumber the classy, refined ladies, like Jill, and who give womanhood a terrible name.

Dave Cooper happy to be in love with a refined woman. Extract taken from "The Londoners" - An ebook for Kindle, by Luke Ryman.