Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Once Upon A Time...


...before Dave and Tony came to London, the two friends did actually hold respectable positions in an American bank, in an office situated in a delightful city in the south-east corner of England.

Responsible, professional and smart, the two friends were nothing like the two unemployed layabouts they have since become.

Sadly, all good things in life must come to an end, so when Dave and Tony were made redundant, they gave up on being responsible, they ceased to be professional, and they exchanged their suits for jeans and t-shirts.

But if they were unemployed, they certainly weren't broke, because Dave and Tony both left the bank with severance pay. YES! Cash in their pockets, and no more nine-to-five misery.

 
So off to the pub they went, to drink themselves merry, and plan their futures...
 
...and then came an invitation to join the pub's quiz team, to take part in a national pub quiz tournament.
 
Dave and Tony both agreed that a few weeks travelling around England, together with the rest of the team, would be a great way to relax, before getting back to work.
 
 
And so here, within the pages of this book, is an account of just what Dave and Tony got up to on their time on the road, as they travelled to some of England's less desirable towns and cities, looking to win first prize in the tournament, whilst not forgetting that life is also about love, sex and getting drunk!
 
 

 
 
And the rest, as we all know, is history!
 
 
Dave Cooper Is Unemployed is the very first outing for Dave and Tony. This ebook is available for Kindle, via all Amazon sites, and tells the story about what the two friends did, before coming to London, and making a mess of their lives in "The Londoners" series of ebooks.
Please note that these titles contain offensive language and references to sex.







Wednesday, 20 February 2013

What The Players Think



Tony and me are the same age, and we both act like a couple of teenagers. I mean, he spends most of his life in his favourite pub, and me in mine, and we act and think like people twenty-five years younger than us. The crime and violence is something I've always wanted, because where I come from there are no jobs, and that's how people survive.

Glen - a rather unsavoury individual - explaining why violence is a part of his life.

                  
I don't really know what Dave sees in Tony, because the man is so vulgar and uncouth, and is an embarrassment to be around. I think that Dave sometimes thinks the same, but because the two of them have been friends for so long, he just accepts Tony's behaviour.
 
Jill - a rather sweet girl - giving her opinion of Tony Joy.
 
I'd love to go to France, because it's another country, and I'm curious to know what people do over there, and how they live. The trouble is that I haven't got a passport, so I can't go anywhere unless it's within the United Kingdom, and even then there's some places I'd prefer to avoid.
 
Kevin - a hopeless loser - explaining why he'll never get to see the world.
 
How dare you come between Tony and me. He's always been there for me. He'll always be there for me. And you. I doubt that you'll always be around. Sluts like you don't last forever. And you had planned a romantic meal for tonight. To hell with you and your spaghetti. Your fucking red wine. Your silk kimono. Your sofa. Your gentle caresses. You're a whore who deserves only bad luck.
 
Dave Cooper - a very confused man - realising that he isn't ready to settle down with Jill.
 
It's a wonderful day to slay a beast.
 
Tony Joy - an awful man - wanting revenge.
 
 
All quotes taken from "The Londoners" - an ebook for Kindle, by Luke Ryman.
***And out now: "The Londoners 2 - After Love Comes Hate" - the 2nd part of The Londoners trilogy.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Behind these walls is trapped a woman in need of love


Of course, I've seen Dave since, because we both live in London, and I wanted to carry on with what we had started in France. It's odd when I think that we both live in the same city, but had we never met in France, I know that our paths would never have crossed. I sometimes think that it was meant to happen, but as much as I like Dave, and have got to enjoy our regular sex sessions, I can't honestly say that there's a future for him and me. I work as a teacher, and have my own circle of friends, who are nothing like Dave. They're all professionals, smart, and discreet. Dave is idle, has terrible friends, and he likes to spend all day drinking. I told my best girlfriend about Dave and me, and she said that if I feel happy with him, and he makes me feel good, then why don't I leave Alan, and set up home with Dave. I think Alan would take it badly, although he's too pathetic to consider suicide. Anyway, I don't really hate the man that much, but at times I could just lay all of my cards on the table, and tell him about Dave.
 
Ahhh...three will soon become two? Jill is married to Alan - a terrible bore. Enter Dave Cooper. A saviour, who will help bring a smile to Jill's face, as their afternoon love-making sessions gather pace.
 
 
A failed marriage and love in a high-rise home. Extract taken from "The Londoners" - an ebook for Kindle, by Luke Ryman.
***Out Now: "The Londoners 2 - After Love Comes Hate" - part 2 of the trilogy.


Thursday, 7 February 2013

A Happy Ending To A True Story

So here in Normandy, not a million miles from the scene of the greatest military invasion ever known to man - of course I'm referring to Tuesday 6th June, 1944 - Mr. Ryman and his French wife have saved another poor dog from death by lethal injection.

The dog in question, who I have decided to name Winston - after the glorious Mr. Churchill - was abandoned in the snow at the end of January, together with his brother. After spending a few days drifting through a local village, both Winston and his sidekick were eventually rescued by the French equivalent of the RSPCA. Both dogs were then locked in a cage, outdoors, at which point their last fourteen days of life on this planet slowly started to count down. (Fourteen days is the usual amount of time which abandoned dogs are held, before being put down, if they are not claimed by their rightful owners OR saved by kind-hearted people like my wife and myself).

Winston is very young, and a cross between a bichon frisé and a poodle, who has settled in well into our home, where he has been befriended by our other dog, a twenty-four kilo poodle, who goes by the name of Bess.

Winston was saved by us in the nick of time, and after a long shower, a decent haircut, and all of the usual vaccinations, he now resembles the dog that he is, and not the dirty, miserable, flea-bitten creature which was thrown out in the snow and sub-zero temperatures by someone who clearly had decided that keeping a dog is a wonderful, but only if it's for a few days.

May bad fortune and misery visit the culprit responsible for such a vile act. Well, this was my initial reaction on seeing poor Winston for the very first time, but although I would like to see the bastard who likes to abandon dogs punished, I suppose he/she/they will never be caught, and live the rest of his/her/ their life/lives uncertain as to what happened to the dogs they left to die. Of course, such scum-like individuals have no conscience, so I am deluding myself if I think these sort of people would ever spare just a minute to think if the dogs survived.

And in case you're wondering, Winston's brother was also saved, and although the two dogs are now separated, at least they have the opportunity to enjoy life.

I don't drink brandy or smoke cigars, but my name IS Winston!

 
Luke Ryman is an author of ebooks, and the creator of Tony Joy - a man who stoops quite low, but who would never abandon a dog in the snow.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

He Worships All The Wrong Kind Of People






Winston Churchill: A Man Worth Worshipping


Tony gave me an evil look. A look filled with hatred and anger. I had said something which he knew was right, but which he didn't want to hear, for people like Glen were too clever to be caught, and it was a shame that there weren't more people in society like him. That was the problem for Tony. Society was full of fucking do-gooders - honest boys and girls - who got their kicks from being in cosy relationships, and from doing mundane jobs. Such people were just living out their existences, and not blazing trails like pioneers.

Tony Joy - an undesirable man - is unhappy when his friend, Dave Cooper, says what he really thinks about Tony's idol, Glen.
 
The author, Luke Ryman, reckons that Dave has probably got a point, because Glen is nothing but a thief, a crook and a liar. But to Anthony Joy, Glen is a man to be admired.
 
If you want to read more about Tony, Dave and Glen - and a host of other colourful characters - get out your Kindles and download the first two books in "The Londoners" trilogy. Or, follow this blog for further extracts from the author's titles.