Monday, 18 March 2013

Trips To Be Forgotten

Paris was a nightmare.

But Tony had started to warm to the idea of spending a few days in France, and when he asked me if I thought he should take his leather jacket, I knew that his suitcase was mentally packed, and he was already sailing across the English Channel. I tried hard to dissuade my only friend from going with me, but as he slipped on his shoes, and carefully placed his favourite baseball cap on his fat and bald head, he suggested that a trip to the pub was necessary, to get us in the holiday mood, and help us relax for the arduous journey that awaited us. I grabbed my own shoes, and knowing that there was nothing I could do or say to change his mind, I told Tony that a journey to China would be arduous, but getting to France would be like a walk in the park.
Tony Joy getting excited about going to Paris - extract taken from Going Wild In Paris/A French Adventure

A very bad time was had by all in Vegas & Florida.

It was January, but it was hot. Tony smiled, and said that he had never felt heat like it. He was right – I could feel the top of my head burning under the late afternoon sun. Andy was still looking at the front of the building, gaping like a small child, and trying to count the number of floors. Tony gave a quick burst of Viva Las Vegas, before deciding that we were going to be better off inside, out of the way of the sun's harmful rays, and closer to the action.
Mr Cooper and Mr Joy - with their very irritating friend - standing in front of their Las Vegas Hotel
Extract taken from My $hit Time In Vegas/An American Adventure
We were both thirsty and hungry, and our feet were starting to ache after having walked what seemed like a hundred miles. I wanted to drink several beers, and smoke a few cigarettes, but as Tony reminded me, we had no beer, and we had smoked all of our cigarettes. We also had no money, and even more depressingly, we had nowhere to sleep for the night. We were in a hopeless situation, but as my companion rightly said, when one is at the bottom of a pile of shit, one can't sink any further.
Mr Cooper and Mr Joy - without food, beer or cigarettes - on the road from Paris to Bordeaux
Extract taken from Bordeaux, Here We Come/A French Adventure
These are just some of the titles available for Kindle via Amazon. Please remember that Cooper and Joy sometimes use offensive language, and say things that might offend YOU!

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