Monday, 29 April 2013

A Camping Holiday To Remember

She may well satisfy Andy's urges.

At midnight we were visited by Roger, the campsite owner. He wanted to know when we were going to bed, as there had been numerous complaints from other guests, who had moaned about our language, and lack of respect for others. Andy looked at him and laughed. He said he was on holiday, and holidays were for drinking, eating, and satisfying one's sexual urges. Roger lowered his voice and said he agreed wholeheartedly with what Andy had said, but he had to think about his other guests, especially those with small children. Tony let out a disgustingly loud belch, and said that all small children were bastards. Dave sighed, and asked Roger if he wanted a drink. Roger looked at all of us, chuckled, and asked for a can of strong cider.
A book about the joys of being unemployed.

Dave Cooper and Tony Joy on a camping holiday somewhere in England, together with their friends. Needless to say, after a few cans of strong cider, good manners will soon be forgotten.

Extract taken from "Dave Cooper Is Unemployed" - by Luke Ryman. Available for Kindle and in paperback.
Contains obscene language and references to sex. Do not buy if easily offended.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

The Londoners - Book 1

Death On The Line

Behind the building in which we live, beyond a crumbling wall, there's a railway line linking south-east London to Kent. It's the line which brings thousands of commuters to London every weekday, by the trainload, and once the working day is over, it's the same line which delivers those commuters safely back home. It's the line onto which a few people have thrown themselves, to end their miserable lives, and it's the line which Tony likes to look at every now and then, so that he can watch the trains go by, and make rude gestures to the passengers in the overcrowded carriages, thinking to himself that he's glad that it's not him heading to work, for another boring day at the office.

Our Portuguese neighbour once complained to our landlord about the fact that she was unable to hang anything expensive on her walls, because every time a train goes by, our building seems to vibrate. The landlord replied that trains, like acts of God, are out of his control, and if she is unhappy about being unable to hang watercolours on her walls, perhaps she should look elsewhere to live. She soon got the point, and now realises that although life in a big city is all about noise, pollution, and being surrounded by lots of people, it's also about being able to get from A to B, very easily, thanks to the wonders of public transport.
The Londoners - Part 1 Of The Trilogy

Extract taken from the first part of "The Londoners" trilogy.
Set in Catford, southeast London, this is a tale of two men existing in a tower block world, hoping that tomorrow things will be a lot better than they are today.
Written by Luke Ryman - for Kindle


Sunday, 14 April 2013

No Turning Back

We are now leaving Catford, in south-east London, and we’re never coming back. From my grubby window I see a street which we know well. It is our street – or now, it was our street. I think I can see the roof of our favourite pub, in which Sid, the landlord, will be wondering why Tony and me are not stood at the bar, ordering drinks and complaining about life. Goodbye Sid. Goodbye pub. Goodbye to the smell of the pub. And then I can see some shops, an abandoned warehouse, a yard overflowing with car tyres and the shell of a very old coach. We pass under a viaduct. There are a few trees and then the grey landscape reappears. More yards, more abandoned vehicles and factories which are empty and falling apart.
Dave Cooper & Tony Joy must leave Catford - and they won't be coming back!
But why must they go?
Extract taken from "The Londoners 3" - due out this summer.
To find out why Dave & Tony have got to go, and to read more about their miserable lives, check out the first two titles in "The Londoners" trilogy - available from Amazon for Kindle.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Broken Bottles

Stuck In Traffic

Sid moaned all the way from Maidstone. He said it was the last time he was going to drive us anywhere. He complained that he had a sore throat, which was a result of lager depravation. When we joined the M25 his misery was further compounded by a massive tailback. A Polish lorry had shed its load of vodka. When Tony saw the police sweeping the last few broken bottles from the inside lane, he said it was a terrible waste of good alcohol.
In a minibus on the way to Portsmouth, with a driver in need of a drink.  That's Cooper and Joy in "Dave Cooper Is Unemployed". An amusing, fast-moving ebook for Kindle, by Luke Ryman.