Monday, 16 December 2013

5 GREAT Christmas gift ideas

Fizzy drinks have never been so much fun

 
With the number of shopping days to Christmas rapidly running out, that last-minute search for ideal gifts will soon become a mad rush, before it's too late.
 
So, if YOU still don't know what you're going to give the love of your life on the 25th December, thanks to Ryman, Cooper and Joy, the problem is solved.
 
Sir, your wife would appreciate an appliance which puts the fun back into fizzy drinks, and brightens up the dullest of kitchens. A fizzy drink maker gives you the opportunity to make exciting and original drinks, whilst draining your bank account. Yes - it may be fun to make cola which is as appetising as stagnant rain water, but by the time you've paid for the expensive syrup, bought a cartridge of gas and filled the machine with water, the cost of your glass of cola will be fifteen times more expensive than a can of soda bought from your local supermarket.
 
This is one crap gift that you shouldn't even offer to your worst enemy.
 
 
Ladies, how many times has your man complained that your DVD player no longer delivers sharp and crisp images? Hundreds of times, you cry, wondering how such an irritating problem can be solved.
 
Well, thanks to a DVD lens cleaner, grainy images will soon be a thing of the past.
 
Simply load the disc into the machine, hit play, and smile as your DVD player is given a new lease of life.
 
And what's more, this little beauty is cheap and made in China, and if it doesn't work, who cares?
 
 
Sir, your wife has been recently complaining about her tired and swollen feet. What, you ask, is the remedy?
 
How about a plastic foot spa, which massages the feet by sending thousands of bubbles whirling around in warm water, whilst tickling your other half's toes.
 
This is one gift which is sure to bring a smile to your lady's face, in the same way that constipation always leaves her rolling around with laughter.
 
In terms of crap, this device is right up there with fizzy drink makers and DVD cleaning kits.
 
Only if you want a divorce should you choose this as an ideal gift.
 
 
 
With winter on the way, what man wouldn't appreciate a winter car kit, on a cold and icy morning?
 
 
This wonderful kit hails from China, and comprises of a can of de-icer, a bottle of winter screen wash, a plastic thing to scrape away at the windscreen and a rectangular sponge. Finally, to make the interior of the car smell like a Norwegian pine forest, there is a cardboard-scented tree, which should be hung from the rear-view mirror, so the overpowering odour of Scandinavia can fill the nostrils of all concerned.
 
 
A great gift for the motorist in your life.
 
 

 
And finally, what about a leather passport-cum-credit card holder?

It smells great and allows travellers to keep their passport with their credit cards, so that in the event of being pickpocketed in Turkey, a thief will be delighted to find all he needs to help himself to a poor bastard's life savings.

Never keep your credit cards and passports together, says the warning on the packaging in which this item of useless crap is wrapped!

Enough said!



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