Gentlemen, with Christmas Day almost upon us, why not take the plunge and treat your girl to a pair of panties.
The French are allergic to the stuff - as a Parisian's appalling body odour will confirm - but reports show that soap is here to stay in Britain. Coming in a variety of sizes and scents, this slippery little stocking filler is an ideal way for your girl to wash away chocolate body paint.
An on the fourth day, God invented lager. Well, this isn't quite right, but most men will agree that a pint of lager during the festive period is just right to keep things ticking merrily along. I bet you didn't know that the world record for lager consumption on Christmas Day stands at one hundred and eighty-five pints, and that this hideous record was achieved by a man from Leeds in 2013. Lager is here to stay, and coming in cans or bottles, ladies, lager is panties in a glass.
Football is a game which all men love. So during the holiday season, ladies, let your man indulge in his passion, without nagging him to death. He'll be good enough to let you watch the special edition of Strictly Come Dancing, so play fair with him, and let him spent ninety minutes with Wayne Rooney and co.