Saturday, 4 April 2015

Feed 'em Now!

There's no denying that global famine is still a problem, which won't go away, unless world leaders do something to tackle the crisis, and help millions of starving people emerge from the shadows of despair and misery.

Why not send millions of pounds in cash to these poor nations, I hear you cry, as you write out a cheque for fifteen pounds, made payable to "END FAMINE IN AFRICA."

Well, yes, this is a very kind thought on your behalf, but are you sure that you're doing the right thing?

Of course you're not! No, what's needed here is some positive action to bring a smile to millions of sad faces throughout the planet. So after guzzling seventeen pints of lager during lunchtime, I have finally come up with a five-point-plan which will end world famine forever.

Number 1: Fast food is fast money to be made. Be the first to open a McDonald's restaurant in Somalia. A simple Happy Meal will for some hopeless child be a HAPPY MEAL!

Number 2: Call your local pizza restaurant tonight and ask for a four seasons special to be flown out to Ethiopia.

Number 3: KFC is finger-licking good! So let's bomb Africa with some of Colonel Saunder's finest flame-grilled chicken wings. Don't forget to add a few family meals, because big families are all the rage in the poorest continent on earth.

Number 4: Open a chain of tex-Mex restaurants in Ethiopia, for a decent spicy meal never did anyone any harm.

Number 5: Do nothing, because the more you give to certain people the more those people want. Instead of lying around all day, having sex and and then sleeping all afternoon, why don't the laziest bastards on the planet get off their fucking backsides, get to work and get their countries out of the shit in which they find themselves.

Yes, charity is a wonderful thing, but for me it BEGINS AT HOME!!!

Next week I'll be focussing on why Germany should be bombed.

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