Sunday, 13 September 2015

The MacRefugee

With there them migrants about to hit our shores, the barbecue season coming to an end and the nights slowly drawing in, life in dear old Blighty won't be as good for some time to come - at least until next spring to be precise.

Oh how the thought of autumn and winter sends a shiver down my spine. No more lounging in the garden, no more mowing the lawn, no more beer under the parasol, no more sizzling sausages on the barbecue...

But apart from being deprived of all of these good things, what can one expect from the world of business, politics, sport and entertainment over the coming months?

Well, look out for the latest line from McDonalds: The MacRefugee. This delightful creation can be worn around the neck, is made of plastic, and so acts as a bouyancy aid in the event of one those dinghys, much loved by migrants around the world, capsizing. What's more, because it's plastic, the bun-cum-lifejacket, can't be eaten. What a brilliant innovation, I hear you cry. Quite right too - and in this healthy-eating obsessed world in which we now live, there's no chance that those migrants will become hideously obese, thus making sure that as many of the buggers can be squeezed into their dinghys, for their return journey home.

This vile pervert has plans to release a charity record at Christmas, to raise money for the migrants we're about to receive in Britain. Sir Cliff Richard loves helping others less fortunate than him, and has even decided to house a family of four migrants at his mansion, where the family is able to make use of the billiard table, the home cinema and the olympic-size swimming pool. What a true christian this wonderful man surely is. But then we all said the same about Jimmy Savile...

The boy Hodgson has done well in getting England through to next year's european championship finals, to be held in France. The man is a tactical genius and has a strong pedigree in football management. Firm but fair, I see Hodgson getting his boys to the final, where they'll whip those German buggers in the final. It'll be like 1945 all over again, with Rooney and company fighting in the streets, in the fields and on the beaches. Not even Merkel and her hairy armpits will be strong enough for Roy's Boys. Get behind them, and destroy the beast that is slowly taking over europe.

This buffoon is still running France, but only just. With soaring taxes, high unemployment and misery throughout the land, Francois Hollande has the solution to get his country back on its feet- he's allowing thousands of migrants to set up home in the land of fine wine and cheeses.
The natives are in uproar, but with his popularity rating being lower than ever, this is the time for Hollande to do a Cliff Richard, to boost his image.

It's socialism gone mad, I hear you cry. It's the end of La France, the world replies. Well, we'll have to wait and see...

Other events that could take place before the end of the year:
Wayne Rooney announces that his buttocks were once squeezed by a very drunk Angela Merkel - odds 500/1

Roy Hodgson makes a vile, racist comment concerning the migrants entering Britain - odds 2/1

Cliff Richard turns water into wine and opens a campsite for homeless migrants - odds 2/1

The BBC is shut down after it's confirmed that the organisation is infested with perverts, child molestors and
 overpaid arseholes - odds 10/1

New Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, reveals that all migrants will receive apple i-pads, beer and Nike training shoes for Christmas - providing they pledge their loyalty to him and his party of no-hopers - odds 3/1

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