A man pushes his bicycle through a disease-infested puddle and another wanders hopelessly along a disused railway line, looking somewhat pissed orf with life. But at least the sun is shining and those jolly kind chaps from feed-a-fuckin' refugee are on their way with tomato soup and bread rolls. Yes, for in one's lowest moment, nothing beats soup and bread to help blow away those migrant blues.
And where is this shite-hole on earth to be found? Is it in some corner of Africa? Is it in Iraq? Is it in Bangladesh? Mais non, mes amis! This hovel of a homeland is to be found in Calais, a town only a ninety minute ferry ride away from Dover, in dear old Blighty.
What 'o me old chums, not the very same Dover which that little bugger Adolf Hitler wanted to get his hands on all of those years ago? Yes, THAT Dover, whose white cliffs stand tall over the Channel, protecting this little corner of England.
But where is all of this heading, old chap, if I could be so rude as to enquire? Well, there them migrant buggers, with their Adidas tracksuits and terrible table manners, would just love to hop on one of those ferry things and take a ride to Dover. And once there, they would be awfully grateful if the British government would play the white man, and give them asylum, free housing, free food, free education, free internet access and free...
GOOD GOD, NO!!! I hear you all cry, from the comfort of your armchairs.
And who is resposible for this bloody can of worms? Well, that little shite-bag of a Syrian president has got a lot to answer for, but the finger of blame can also be firmly pointed at Francois Hollande and Angela Merkel, who, between them, are rapidly turning Europe into a right old bucket of cow shit.
So it's no wonder that David Cameron and his chums want to get our bums out of Europe, before it's too late. The trouble is, within the ranks of the Tory party, there are certain members who think we should stick with Europe, pull down our barriers and lay out the buns and lemonade for the migrants, who we'll pay to come over to England.
If Hollande had half a brain in his fucked-up head, he would be better off sending this lot packing before turning his attention to the good citizens of Calais, who have all had enough of this. Local residents are afraid to go outside, shops and bars are closing every day and unemployment is soaring through the clouds, as the migrants battle with police, intimidate anyone and everyone and who are desperately trying to get to our shores.
So let's fuck Europe me old chums, before it fucks us. Let's burn that ghastly cow Merkel alive and let's hope that those poor old buggers in Calais may one day get their town back.
LONG LIVE ENGLAND & GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.