Sunday, 24 July 2016

We ain't gonna die - it's turbulence!


The three of us woke at the same time, as the plane started to shudder and lurch violently. Tony looked at a terrified Andy. He looked very pale and it smelt like that he had shit himself. Tony leant across to him and gave him a very serious look. The plane shuddered again, and as it tried to correct itself, Tony told Andy that it was all over. We were all going to die. We had lost all engines, and we were plunging towards the Atlantic and towards our death.

Sick bastard! But that was Tony.

Andy started to gasp for air, and would have stood up, if he still hadn't been strapped into his seat. Tony laughed a sick laugh and patted Andy on the thigh.

Turbulence, you idiot. It's turbulence. We ain't going to die. We're going to Vegas!

Dave, Tony and Andy are high in the sky, heading to Vegas. But will their plane get there, or will it drop from the sky like a bag of bricks?

Find out in Humourland, a collection of amusing short tales about love, life and dodgy pizzas.
Out now on kindle.



Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Fly the Flag


Fly away to get away! We did, and now we're back.

Summer is still with us, but for some of us the holidays are coming to an end.

"Ate too much, drank too much - but what a pleasure it was AND without a screaming bloody child in sight."
"You forgot THAT one who insisted on jumping in the roof-top pool, even if the sign says that it's forbidden."
"Oh, yes! Well, there's always one little bastard who likes to ignore the rules."

The beer was great and the food was edible. The ice-cream melted under the blazing sun and we burnt our shoulders driving all over Malta.

And back at home one balls-up came after another. Roy Hodgson threw in towel and David Cameron did the same. The whole world was talking about Brexit and how we've got our country back.

Peace will descend upon our magnificent land one day soon.

France slipped up at the final hurdle against Portugal, Cliff Richard is after the police and Andy Murray lifted our spirits at Wimbledon.

Poor France! But at least the spirits have been lifted over here. There is a feel-good factor in the air, and as I write the sun is out. But for how long...

Soon summer will become autumn and then winter will come knocking at our doors. Brexit will be forgotten as the world zooms in on the clash of the century: TRUMP versus CLINTON.

America and Americans, if you want YOUR country back, there's only one way to go!

The hour of the aperitif is now upon us.

Happy Holidays!

Meet Dave, Tony et al in my various ebooks, out now on kindle, via Amazon.